I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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