yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
