I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's always time for handjobs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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