mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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