normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I AM VODKA MAN
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
