i think i have two assholes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
