well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
