the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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