trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
