how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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