OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
