Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
BRING THE BAGELS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
