Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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