You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
