Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
