I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
