I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
