That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
