God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
