I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
