How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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