dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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