He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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