got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
