That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
