the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
