Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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