i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
