it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
