no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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