The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
