tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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