speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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