Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
