oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
