I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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