Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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