Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
