I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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