apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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