He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
