even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
