ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
