i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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