We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
