Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
