My first STD was from a foam party
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
