Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
