thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
