I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
