the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
