oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
