whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
