What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
