One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
